WHEN DOES THIS HAPPEN?

 

To the greater public this may not seem likely or even an option when parents separate. The assumption is that both parents will automatically do what is in the "child/children's best interests". Sadly, this is not always the case, as an increasing number of parents (both fathers AND mothers) are being kept from their children by force!

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The experts have termed this Parental Alienation (PA),  and it seems that it is fast becoming a syndrome (PAS) as high conflict divorces become more prevalent. PA occurs when one parent (or another family member, friend or other person) forcibly prevents contact from a loving parent, and/or turns the child/children away from their loving parent.

 

Parents and children have a basic human right to be together-to spend time together, have fun together and enjoy family time. The importance of a healthy family relationship is rewarding and essential for all family members, and in particular the child/children who are constantly learning and adapting their own personalities. If a child is systematically turned AGAINST their parent (or even grandparent/s), their emotional development becomes stunted and inadequate for proper growth.

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WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN?

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Dr Craig Childress, an experienced licensed clinical psychologist specializing in treating children and families in the USA, has done amazing work regarding PA. Dr Childress suggests that, in his experience, the parent who typically alienates a child from another parent "displays a narcissistic and borderline personality pathology. The association of this type of personality pathology with disorganized attachment would mean that these spouses/parents have no organized strategy for repairing relationship breaches, such as encountered in the divorce".

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There is usually a planned campaign of denigration by the alienating parent against the targeted parent (who is denied access to his/her child). The child consequently becomes a substrate of the alienation, and is systematically turned against the targeted, loving parent.

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I strongly suggest reading more of Dr Childress' work at http://drcachildress.org/ where you will find more information on this unnatural attachment that an alienating parent usually develops to the child, which results in them turning the child against the other parent. Dr Childress suggests that this "Attachment-based parenting" is the cause of PA. He goes further to indicate that "Attachment-based PA" describes a specific set of symptoms in a child which will lead a psychologist to a clinical DSM-5 diagnosis of V995.51 Child Psychological Abuse, Confirmed.

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http://drcachildress.org/asp/admin/getFile.asp?RID=134&TID=6&FN=pdf

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Rappoport (2005) describes the parenting of a narcissistic personality,

“To the extent that parents are narcissistic, they are controlling, blaming, self-absorbed, intolerant of others’ views, unaware of their children’s needs and of the effects of their behavior on their children, and require that the children see them as the parents wish to be seen. They may also demand certain behavior from their children because they see the children as extensions of themselves, and need the children to represent them in the world in ways that meet the parents’ emotional needs.”

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WHAT HAPPENS TO THE CHILD?

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As a parent who has been alienated from their child, it is frightening to think of the consequences of denying an innocent child their basic right of access to their own parent or grandparent. These are just some of them (taken from scholarly article here http://www.parental-alienation.info/publications/17-prosufbychiduetotheeffofparalisyn.htm :-

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• Anger is a common reaction of many children to the process of alienation. The anger however will be expressed towards the target parent, as one sides with one of the parents in the relationship against the other. The fact the children are forced into this kind of situation causes considerable distress and frustration and the response often is to show aggressive behavior towards the targeted parent in order to accommodate the programmer.

• Loss or a lack of impulse control in conduct. Children who suffer from PAS are not merely suffering from aggression but also often turn to delinquent behavior. There is considerable evidence that fathers and their presence and influence can do much to prevent and alleviate the possibility of delinquency most especially in boys.

• Loss of self confidence and self esteem. Losing one of the parents through the programming procedure can produce a lack of self confidence and self esteem. In the case of boys identification with a male figure has been curtailed, especially if the alienated parent is the father.

• Clinging and separation anxiety. Children especially very young children who have been programmed to hate or disdain one of the parents will tend to cling to that parent who has carried out the programming. There is considerable anxiety induced by the programming parent against the target parent including threats that such a parent would carry out a great number of different negative actions against the child as well as the programming parent.

• Developing fears and phobias. Many children fear being abandoned or rejected now that they have been induced to feel that one of the partners in a relationship usually the father is less than desirable. Sometimes this results in school phobia that is fear of attending school mainly due to fear of leaving the parent who claims to be the sole beneficial partner in the formal relationship. Some children suffer from hyperchondriacal disorders and tend to develop psychological symptoms and physical illnesses. Such children also fear what will happen in the future and most especially there is a fear that the programming parent or only parent who is allegedly the “good parent” may die and leave the child bereft of any support.

• Depression and suicidal ideation. Some children who are so unhappy at the tragic break up of the relationship are further faced with animosity between the programming parent and the targeted parent. This leads to ambivalence and uncertainty and sometimes suicidal attempts occur due to the unhappiness which the child feels brought about by the two main adults in his or her life.

• Sleep disorders is another symptom which follows the parental alienation situation. Children frequently dream and often find it difficult to sleep due to their worries about the danger of the alienated parent and the guilt they may feel as a result of participating in the process of alienation.

• Eating disorders. A variety of eating disorders have been noted in children who are surrounded by parental alienation. This includes anorexia nervosa, obesity and bulimia.

• Educational problems. Children who are surrounded by the pressure of having to reject one parent having been less brain washed frequently suffer from school dysfunctions. They may become disruptive as well as aggressive within that system.

• Enuresis and Encopresis. A number of very young children due to the pressure and frustrations around them suffer from bed wetting and soiling. This is a response to the psychological disturbance of losing one parent and finding one parent inimical to the rejected parent.

• Drug abuse and self destructive behavior frequently are present in children who have suffered from parental alienation. This tendency is due to a need to escape one’s feelings of the abuse they have suffered through the experience and the desire to escape from it. In the extreme such self destructive behavior can lead to suicidal tendencies.

• Obsessive compulsive behavior. This psychological reaction is frequently present in PAS children. Such children will seek to find security in their environment by adopting a variety of obsessive compulsive behavior patterns.

• Anxiety and panic attacks are also frequently present in children who have been involved in PAS processes. This may be reflected through psycho-somatic disorders such as nightmares.

• Damaged sexual identity problems. As a result of the PAS syndrome children often develop identity problems especially as they may have failed to identify with one member of the originally secure relationship.

• Poor peer relationships may follow the PAS situation due to the fact that such children often are either very withdrawn in their behavior or are aggressive.

• Excessive feelings of guilt.This may be due to the knowledge deep down that the ostracized parent who has been vilified has done nothing wrong to deserve the kind of treatment received by the child or children. When this view occurs the child especially when older begins to suffer from guilt feelings.

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THE FACTS

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The World Health Organization states that, "Child maltreatment, sometimes referred to as child abuse and neglect, includes all forms of physical and emotional ill-treatment, sexual abuse, neglect, and exploitation that results in actual or potential harm to the child’s health, development or dignity. Within this broad definition, five subtypes can be distinguished – physical abuse; sexual abuse; neglect and negligent treatment; emotional abuse; and exploitation". (Reference: http://www.who.int/topics/child_abuse/en/ )

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There are many parents who face being isolated or alienated from their children, resulting in severe child emotional and psychological abuse!

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HOW DO WE HELP?

Our purpose is to give parents and children who have been isolated from each other, a safe platform of support, advice and information, so that they possibly re-establish communication with each other.

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Vulnerable families who find themselves in this situation are often left with few options to re-establish contact.

 

At Linganisa, we work with honesty, compassion and purity to restore dignity to the parents and children who are kept away from each other for no apparent reason. Linganisa is committed to providing a support platform for vulnerable parents and children who are trapped in this living nightmare.

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IS THERE ANY HOPE FOR CHANGE?

It is unlikely that any of these stories would be short or simple. Most parents describe living without their children as "Hell on Earth", "a living nightmare" or "I've been to hell and back, and have run out of options".

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There are many complex issues at hand, some of which the legal and psychiatric professionals still find difficult to navigate, let alone resolve:-

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1. Correct and accurate diagnosis of the situation. Social workers, psychologists and psychiatrists are needed here. Around the world, professionals are slowly seeing the patterns of behaviors of alienators. There has been much discussion and debate over the gender issue (are mothers or fathers more likely to alienate the other parent from their children?) Most groups agree that this isn't a gender-specific syndrome, but rather a psychopathy issue, and either way, irrespective of gender, it is the children who need the situation to be accurately evaluated for their (often immediate) safety.

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2. Legal assistance seems to be mandatory, as this is the only recourse a parent who has not seen their child for a prolonged period of time, really has. Family court cases can take long periods of time for a change to be effected.

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3. Knowledge of the whereabouts of your child/children. All parents and legal guardians have the right to be a part of the decision-making process on where your child lives, the school he/she attends and their medical records. In most cases, a parent/guardian is legally entitled to have access to the child. In the case of high conflict divorce and if the parents cannot agree on arrangements regarding their child/children, then the court steps in.

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4. FINANCES! There is most often a link between emotional abuse and result of the narcissistic/borderline parent's denigration campaign, where the targeted parent/grandparents have been to several professionals and are totally financially depleted.

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The most significant benefits are to the children who often undergo extreme emotions and behaviors as a result of PA. The importance of re-unification with loving family cannot be underplayed. The child/children usually need psychological therapy to restore self-esteem. Contact with loving parents and family members is mandatory to ensure optimum emotional and psychological well-being of the growing child.

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We therefore humbly request.....

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PLEASE DONATE! Our children need you!